Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Why I am angry with myself?
So this took some very interesting turns as I thought about this question. First I had to get the definition correct in my head, I had always thought “anger” and “hate” were the same thing. Now that I more clearly see that they are not it has changed my attitude towards myself and those around me.
So why am I angry with myself:
I knew how to take care of the physical part of my but chose not to. My Mom worked at Russell Stover and would bring home boxes of candy. I would eat a lot of it and then deny doing so. I ate mostly then when I was afraid or sad. Of course being a southern based family everything was fried, fried, or refried. So that was the beginning I believe. But the knowledge was also not there either. The only education I really received was in the winter we had a health class that usually consisted of some 1950’s gov movie which taught us nothing and it seemed like the PE teachers then could care less unless you were a jock.
So that is the long way to get here. I started working in the food industry in Nursing homes where nutrition and healthy foods were the norm. I started learning what was good and not good. So I now look at me and think what were you thinking. So yes I am angry with myself for getting here but I do not hate myself like I thought I did.
I was working laying flooring in the back bedroom this week and looked over in a full mirror door and thought Oh My! Are you really that big? I did not notice just how big I looked. It was a light bulb minute that reinforced why I have to, Yes have to get this done. No wonder Doctors freak out when they see me. I just never really noticed until this week.
So yes I am angry with myself but in a good way I think. In a productive way that keeps me motivated to not go back to the old ways, not tearing myself down. Coming to the realization that Life is worth living if you make it. This is more than why I am angry and may not even be what you wanted, but it what I wanted and needed to get out. I Am Worth Fighting For!
Laughing when you want to cry
Crying just because you need to
Not holding back. Do Not Lie To YOURSELF
Words of Wisdom:
When you think your Doctor is crazy when he/she recommends therapy. Take another look. It may be exactly what you need!
May the LORD richly bless and Keep you and your Families safe during this Thanksgiving Holiday.
To my friends across the world, What holidays do you celebrate and how?
Your Friend Tom